Shinji Needs Style
by Author0fntent
Summary: When Toji and Kensuke drag Shinji to the mall to make a much-needed update of his wardrobe, they wind up taking a page from the Rat Pack as they make their case.


*Boilerplate: I own nothing of Gainax or Warner Bros.*

Shinji Ikari was what you'd call reluctant when it came to a number of things. Reluctant housebroken male, yes. Reluctant EVA pilot, definitely. Reluctant when it came to women? A GIVEN. This was especially true when it came to his current predicament: earlier in the week, he'd managed to ask Mana Kirishima, a new transfer student, out on a date, the first time he'd ever done something like that in his life. Unfortunately, he was also pretty clueless in regards to the dating scene. Out of the supposed goodness of their hearts, his two best friends Kensuke Aida and Toji Suzuhara dragged Shinji to the mall after school one day to right a grievous wrong before the day of his big date. Shinji wasn't exactly well-versed in the ways of male fashion, so his two fellow 'stooges' (Asuka's words, not theirs) now sought to remedy that. The trio had arrived at the department store that anchored the mall and immediately went in.

Shinji: I don't understand why you guys brought me here-I don't see anything wrong with what I'll wear Saturday.

Toji: Dude, you clearly don't know the first thing about a first impression, let alone a first date.

Kensuke: It's going to be a big night for you, and you gotta look your best. Sorry to break it to you, but your current wardrobe leaves a lot to be desired.

_Some people dress 'cause they like to get dressed,_

_But you just get dressed to get dressed!_

Toji:

_It's only a hunch but I bet you a bunch,_

_He wears a white shirt, a belt, and black slacks, no less..._

Shinji: Are you guys saying my clothes are boring?

Toji: Why else do you think we're here, Shin-man?

Kensuke:

_From the tip of your toes to your head,_

_You look like an unmade bed._

Shinji: An unmade bed? What's that supposed to mean?

Kensuke: Just go with it, man.

_You've eeeeeither got, or you haven't got, STYLE._

Toji:

_If you've got it, you stand out a mile._

Kensuke:

_Those shoes are not shoes if they ain't spor-ty_

Toji:

_Or IF they're not shined by ol' Mor-ty._ [Points to the middle-aged department store shoeshine waving.]

_You've either got or you haven't got CLASS._

Kensuke:

_How it draws the applause of the mass(es)._

Both:

_When you wear a tie, like it makes you look 'fly',_ [Both walk him over to a mirror.]

_You can pass any mirror and smile!_ [Both motion like they're straightening neckties.]

Kensuke: _You've either got, or you haven't got..._

Toji: _Got or you haven't got..._

Both: _Got or you haven't got, STYLE!_

Both motioned Shinji to a dressing room, where a couple of sales girls were waiting with varying articles of clothing ready to go.

As the music continued in the background, Hikari and Asuka, who happened to be at the mall that same day, stopped in the middle of their walk when they spotted the trio in the store.

Asuka: Huh, wonder what brings the stooges here today?

Hikari: Asuka! *Sigh* Let's go find out. Hey, Toji!

Toji: What's up, Class Rep? [His eyes narrowed in Asuka's direction.] Red Devil.

Asuka: Pff.

Kensuke: We're trying to help our fair Shinji update his threads for his date with Mana.

Shinji appeared behind Toji and Kensuke clad in a decidedly out-of-date 1980's checkered suit jacket, neon green t-shirt, tan slacks, and deck shoes.

Hikari: Looks like you've got a challenge on your hands.

Shinji: What? Too much?

Asuka [in a mock Valley Girl voice]: Uh, YAH, gag me with a spoon!

_You've either got, or you haven't got style._ [Hikari:_...got, or you haven't got style;_]

Shinji headed back into the dressing room.

Asuka:

_If you've got it, you stand out a mile._ [Hikari:_...got it, you stand out a mile._]

Shinji stepped out dressed like Jerry in the _Seinfeld_ episode "The Puffy Shirt". All four looked at him with different reactions-Toji and Kensuke tried to hold back snickers, while Asuka and Hikari simply shuddered at the sight.

Hikari: No offense, but you look like a reject from a Gilbert and Sullivan show.

Shinji: Too bizarre?

Asuka: Try too freakin' entire carnival! Back you go. [Points him back to the dressing room.]

_With fashion sense like yours, it'll be quite a pitch..._

Hikari:

_Maybe you'd do better at Aber-crom-bie and Fitch._

Asuka:

_You've either got, or you haven't got class;_ [Hikari:_...got, or you haven't got class._]

_How it draws the applause of the mass(es)._

Shinji came back out sporting a classic Hugh Hefner suited look, complete with pipe. Asuka and Hikari shooed him back into the dressing room.

Both:

_When you wear a tie,_

_Like it makes you look 'fly'._

_You can pass any mirror and smile._

Shinji finally came back out, wearing a nice-looking blue blazer, a light gray button-down shirt, dark blue jeans, and a pair of dark brown loafers.

Shinji: How about now?

The four turned around to see their friend, and were surprised by how well the whole package turned out.

Kensuke and Toji: WELL...

Asuka and Hikari: WOW.

Both girls admitted in their heads, he did kind of look a bit more handsome. _No, no, don't even think that, GOTT!_, Asuka thought to herself.

Shinji:

_You've either got, or you haven't got charm;_ [Kensuke and Toji:_...got, or you haven't got charm._]

_Style and charm seem to go arm in arm;_ [Kensuke and Toji:_...seem to go arm in arm._]

_These shoes are not shoes if they ain't spor-ty;_

_Or IF they're not shined by ol' Mor-ty. _

Morty quickly stepped in and gives a quick shine to Shinji's left shoe, then gave him a thumbs-up, to which Shinji responded with same.

Kensuke:

_You've either got, or you haven't got style;_

Shinji:

_...got, or you haven't got style;_

Toji:

_...got, or you haven't got style._

Asuka and Hikari (joining in the dance number):

_If you got it, you stand out a mile;_

Kensuke:

_...got it, you stand out a mile;_

Toji:

_...got it, you stand out a mile._

All:

_When you wear those duds,_

_You walk like all of the studs,_

_And watch those girls lining up single file._

Kensuke:

_You've either got, or you haven't got..._

Toji:

_...got, or you haven't got..._

Hikari:

_...got, or you haven't got..._

Asuka:

_...got, or you haven't got..._

All:

_...got, or you haven't got style!_

**Author's Note**

Yep, what you just read was an EVA version of a musical number from the 1964 Rat Pack classic _Robin and the 7 Hoods_. For clarification's sake, Kensuke stands in for Frank, Shinji for Bing, and Toji for Dino. Soon as I call upon my muse at a good time, expect a follow-up that puts EVA's three stooges into another Sinatra-starring classic with _Guys and Dolls_.


End file.
